I Remember: A Reflection on my 9/11 Experience

 I remember -

The quiet morning drive through the South Carolina LowCountry to the Savannah River Baptist Association’s building which housed my missionary office.

I remember -

Being aware of the alone-ness of my isolated office with its fake pine paneling and slowly growing library in the remote, moss covered Southern town of Ridgeland.

I remember –

My disbelief and disregard at the news of the first plane into a building in New York City when my wife called to alarm me – I immediately thought the least because I could not fathom the worst. 

I remember –

The painful crawl of dial up internet service which served as my only outlet to the world as I tried my hand at the new verb called “Googling” to catch a peek at the news.

I remember –

The slow growing anxiety like the wisteria vines outside my office which spread with each click of my refresh button in Microsoft Explorer.

I remember -

Reflecting longingly at the hope and anticipation we shared with gathered friends on the previous Saturday night for my wife’s birthday.  Intuitively, I knew life would never be the same. 

I remember -

Stepping out of my isolation and dread into the downtown Radio Shack to see my first images of the billowing smoke of the New York skyline and the crumbling of massive skyscrapers on a wall of television screens.

I remember

Not knowing what to do or how to respond or who to reach out to or how to love.

I remember –

Wanting, needing, and longing to be home with my wife and two young daughters.

I remember –

The tears which would not come, flooding my face and wracking my body when I finally stepped foot in my once secure home on Marsh Drive.

It’s been 12 years – and, Yes, I still remember:    The growth of faith and trust and love in a life hardened and changed. 

I still remember:  The source of true security is the presence of Jesus in a life filled with fear. 

I still remember:  The true investments of our lives are deposited in a land not touched by derivatives, bank failures or real estate. 

I still remember:  These three remain:  faith, hope and love.  And the greatest of these is love.