The Passion Begins

Sermon 6 in Passionate Living Sermon Series

6^th Sunday of Lent

Preached at FBC, Cornelia, GA

March 24, 2013

[Personal note - I have waited a long time to speak about my own "stuff" publicly like this.  Like Natalie's example, I hope my words can also speak to the emotional and spiritual "stuff" that others carry around.]

            In God’s timing, this week as I studied our Lectionary passage from Psalm 31, I finally bought a memoir by a friend of mine.  I downloaded Natalie Flake’s book Tears to Joy on my Kindle and I couldn't put it down. 

I first met Natalie and her husband, Michael, when I was as a resort missionary in Hilton head and they were serving as US-2 resort Missionaries in Helen and White County.  In 2000 we tied balloons and told people about Jesus together with other resort minister friends during the Sydney, Australia Olympic summer games.   

            Natalie and Michael were both strong Christian leaders on the campus of Mercer University in the 1990’s.  Michael was a gregarious and vivacious big man on campus.  Everyone knew him and loved him.  Natalie tells the story in the book of their courtship and calling to the mission field in Helen.

From the outside, they were a perfect Christian couple – blessed with health, strong faith, great family, and a supportive church network.  Eventually, they transitioned from 2 year missionaries to career missionaries and started a family.   The community adored them, their Baptist denomination saw them as the next way of young leaders, and the resort ministries in Helen continued to grow. 

            What I didn't know in the years I knew Michael and Natalie was their battle with Michael’s bi-polar disorder.  In the book, Natalie bravely explores their lives for us to learn from this experience.  She tells about Michael's devastating seasons of depression when he couldn't get out of bed or the house.  Then, there were the seasons of his mania – when he would recklessly spend their meager missionary income.

             I can’t tell you how painful it was for me to realize what was actually happening in their home.  The fights.  The fears.  The questions.  The shame.  Many of us - their resort missionary colleagues – would have tried desperately to help – as would many in their church in Helen or their family and friends – if only we had known enough to ask. 

            Natalie admits in the book that at the time – telling others, being honest about what was happening, letting their secret out of the closest – seem too damaging, too painful, too shameful.  Instead, she covered up for Michael – going to his work at night to respond to emails, covering for him when people asked about his absence.  Chaos and secrets controlled their lives. 

            This is the statement that hit me the hardest: 

            “When Sunday rolled around, I knew that I needed to go to church, but I wasn’t sure if I could handle it, so I did what every “good” Christian does. I put on a good front and I went. I smiled on the outside, while inside I was crumbling.”

            Her world was controlled by chaos on the inside, but when it came to seeking support – she felt paralyzed.   The one place we think she should be able to be honest and truthful in order to find assistance and grace – the church - instead became a place where she masked the reality of her life.  Baptist Missionaries are supposed to have it all together – be perfect Christians, look good – even when life is crumbling. 

Natalie says she now realizes there are fates worse than losing face in front of your church or losing your home or your job or feeling ashamed of what other may say or think.  Michael lost his battle to bi-polar disease when he took his own life in 2006.  Natalie was left a bright, young widow, her secret was out – and now people didn't know what to do.  Friends from church she expected to hear from didn't call or come by because they didn't know what to say

            Frankly, Natalie’s brave book was difficult for me to read.  I was confronted with the many ways I failed them too.

            As I read her book, I was also listening to the words of David in Psalm 31.  David’s psalm details his own highs and lows.   He begins with this wonderful statement of faith – “In you, Lord, I have taken refuge; let me never be put to shame; deliver me in your righteousness.”  Then, by the middle of the chapter, he has plunged into depression.  “Be merciful to me, Lord, for I am in distress; my eyes grow weak with sorrow, my soul and body with grief.”

            As I read these passages of grief and desperation – I realized a truism that I have adopted in my pastoral ministry:  “Everyone has their stuff.”  Every perfect and wonderful couple or family, every family or person that I think has it together, looks beautiful on the outside – is in reality broken in some way on the inside.  Brokenness is the consequence of sin. 

            Even in those perfect Christian families – the ones we expect to have it all together – those pastors, those missionaries, those Sunday School teachers – everyone has their stuff. 

            I understand Natalie’s struggles with talking about mental illness.  I have experienced this in my own family.  In 2004 my dad was diagnosed with Kidney Cancer.  We set up a blog and email prayer chain for his friends throughout the world to pray for him.  When he died in January 2005, we were surrounded by such a wonderful network of supporters and friends. 

A couple of months later when my mom’s mental illness placed her in the hospital for 2 weeks, I found myself isolated and alone.  How do I share in an email prayer chain the debilitating depression and spiraling mental stability?  Mental illness is as debilitating a disease as cancer, but too often, we carry it in silence.  Out of a desire to protect the person we love, we keep their secrets.

In my own life, while I didn't hesitate to share this burden with close friends, I too feared what the church or other friends may say.  My dad’s 5 month battle with cancer and his death was very, very hard – but it was not as difficult as mom’s multi-year battle with mental illness. 

One of the things we learn from my story and Natalie’s story and the psalmist’s story in Psalm 31 is that we are not alone in our desperation.  All of us have our stuff we struggle and carry every day.  Everyone today has come to worship with life stuff.  For some – this stuff has been made public through email prayer lists and calls and visits.  For others of us – we have come to worship with our stuff – pushed deep inside.  We have “done what every “good” Christian does. We have put on a good front and come inside. We have smiled on the outside, while inside we are crumbling.” 

The psalmist lists of many of the desperations we still find in churches every Sunday.     

1.  v.9:   Grief:  my eyes grow weak with sorrow,

    my soul and body with grief.

·         Every Sunday, someone in worship is experiencing grief – they have lost someone or something.  Maybe you today are still experiencing grief and sorrow.  Maybe sadness describes the stuff of your life. 

2.  v.10:  Anguish:  My life is consumed by anguish

    and my years by groaning;

·         Some challenges in our lives have no description except to say they create anguish and groaning in our lives.  Maybe the doctor has seen a spot on a MRI and you are waiting to hear from the next test for an accurate diagnosis.  Maybe you have a child or friend like Michael or my mother who struggles with mental illness and you continue to find no safe harbor.  Maybe your struggle with an addiction and your cry in anguish every day to God wanting it to go away. 

3.  v.10:  Aging:  my strength fails because of my affliction, and my bones grow weak.

·         For many of us here – our bodies no long do the things we desire them to do.  We struggle with the limitations our bodies place upon us.  We can no longer do the things at church or the things in the community that have been our identity and we wonder what good we are as our strength fails and our bones grow weak.  

4.  v.11:  Relationships:  Because of all my enemies,

    I am the utter contempt of my neighbors and an object of dread to my closest friends—those who see me on the street flee from me.

·         For other of us – our desperation comes in relationships.  Maybe we are a teenager or young adult wondering if anyone will ever love us.  maybe we are a parents struggling with children who are fighting.  Maybe have hurt someone close to us. 

5.  v.12:  Self-Esteem:  I am forgotten as though I were dead;      I have become like broken pottery.

·         For others of us – our desperation comes in our own self-esteem.  We don’t do things in church or in the community because we don’t feel confidant or secure.  We feel like wallpaper where people overlook us.  We feel broken inside. 

6.  v.13:  Paranoid:  For I hear many whispering, “Terror on every side!” They conspire against me and plot to take my life.

·         Finally –there may be others of us who are simply desperate because we know there are things happening inside us and we don’t know if they will ever change.  We feel anxious - like the world is out to get us.  Worried – we don’t know the next step. 

Thousands of years ago – David wrote these words and still they address our own experiences in a broken world.  At the same time – David also shouts back to us through these thousands of year a truth – a Gospel for those of us struggling in desperation and pain today.

Gospel:  God saves us in his steadfast love!

But I trust in you, Lord;

    I say, “You are my God.”

15 My times are in your hands;

    deliver me from the hands of my enemies,

    from those who pursue me.

16 Let your face shine on your servant;

    save me in your unfailing love.

When we feel we have no place to go, no one who will understand, forced to wear a smile when life is crumbling – David announces the love of God into our lives.  This is who God is:  faithful and loving. 

God’s Faithfulness means that we can trust him.  When we don’t know how the story will end – we can trust God with our future.  “My times are in your hands: can be translated as “My future is in your hands.”  When we find ourselves in desperate places – depend on Jesus.  When you feel numbed by the daily challenges – Jesus says – trust me.  When fear tightens around your chest – Jesus – let go, and let me. 

 God is faithful because God is Love. The Old Testament word for AGAPE is the Hebrew word – HESED!  Hesed is translated “steadfast love.”  This faithful love – love that you can trust. 

God’s love and faithfulness saves us from the desperation we find ourselves in.  This is exactly what happens on Good Friday this week. 

Jesus hanging, dying on the cross is the most desperate experience in all history.  Yet – through the desperation of this execution – Jesus saves us.  On the cross, Jesus takes our desperation – our grief, our anguish, our aging, our relationship, our self-esteem, and our paranoia – and yes our sin - upon his shoulders.  He frees us, he saves us. 

The Passion of Jesus takes all of these things in our lives which hold us back from experiencing the passionate life of Jesus and transforms them into a new life.  In dying Jesus teaches and frees us to live. 

            This is the good news today for all of us who have brought our stuff to church, like suitcases full of stuff we have placed them on the floor below us wondering if we can trust God enough to open them.  Jesus says – trust me.  To all who are living in desperation:  God saves us through his steadfast love. 

            Ultimately, Natalie’s story if she were here to share it – and maybe one day we’ll have her come over and speak – is not a story of sadness and desperation – it is a story of Joy.  Yes, her book bravely details the desperate and difficult times of living with bi-polar disorder and the pain of grief – but her story is a celebration for God’s faithfulness and God’s love when nothing else helped.  Celebration and joy did not come all at once – slowly, decision after decision, through lots of experiences of grace and hard work – Natalie grew in her faithfulness.  She ever came to the point where she wrote this book about her experiences.

            And her story of joy continues.  Last December Natalie announced on her blog her engagement to another resort minister colleage through the years.  She said that several years ago she had written down two lists for a possible husband – a ‘must have" list; these were the things that were non-negotiable for me; and an “added bonus” list - These were things that weren't deal breakers, but were my way of saying, "God, if you really wanted to bless me I'd love...”  I loved it when Natalie announced Jeff fulfilled both lists – God has turned her tears into joy. 

            Tears to Joy is also the story of Palm Sunday, Good Friday and Easter.   Today – the Passion Begins.  As we approach this week – let us confession our desperation – our suitcases full of stuff, and our imperfect, sin filled lives.  At the same time – as we experience the death and resurrection of Jesus – let us receive the blessing of cross where Jesus transforms our desperation into faith.  God is faithful and loving.  This week - God wants to turn our tears into joy as well.  Will you allow him?