Wednesday, April 3, 2013

Tears to Joy


In God’s timing, a couple of weeks ago I read my friend White County resident, Natalie Flake’s Tears to Joy: Finding Hope in the Presence of Bipolar Disorder and Suicide while preparing to preach from Psalm 31.       
In her book, Natalie pulls back the veneer of a perfect life as Southern Baptist missionaries in Helen to reveal the trauma of her husband Michael’s battled with bi-polar disorder.  She bravely tells about Michaels devastating seasons of depression and mania. 
She admits letting their secret out of the closest seemed too damaging and shameful.  Instead, she covered up for Michael by going to his work at night to respond to emails and explaining away his absences from his responsibilities.  Chaos and secrets controlled their lives with no place for solace.
            She writes, “When Sunday rolled around, I knew that I needed to go to church, but I wasn’t sure if I could handle it, so I did what every “good” Christian does. I put on a good front and I went. I smiled on the outside, while inside I was crumbling.”
            Natalie now realizes there are fates worse than losing your home or your job or feeling ashamed of what others may say or think.  Michael lost his battle to bi-polar disease when he took his own life in 2006.  Now, as a young widow, Natalie’s secret was out anyway. 
            King David in Psalm 31 reveals similar struggles with his own highs and lows.  At first he demonstrates his trust in God:  “In you, Lord, I have taken refuge; let me never be put to shame; deliver me in your righteousness” (Ps 31:1).  Then, the challenges of his life plunge him into depression:  “Be merciful to me, Lord, for I am in distress; my eyes grow weak with sorrow, my soul and body with grief” (Ps 31:9).
            Natalie’s story and Psalm 31 reveal a truism I have adopted in my pastoral ministry:  “Everyone has their stuff.”  Every perfect and wonderful person, couple or family, anyone I ever think has it together, from missionaries to kings, is in reality broken in some way on the inside.  Brokenness is the consequence of sin. 
The “stuff” of our lives, though, becomes a medium of God’s grace.  On the cross, Jesus takes our stuff - and our sin - upon his shoulders.  The Good News of Easter Sunday declares to us that our stuff does not define us.  Instead, our stuff becomes God’s canvas to display his marvelous grace in our lives.
The transformation of our stuff through the power of grace is the theme of Natalie’s book and Easter!  David too, faced with the load of his stuff, acknowledges God’s grace:  ““My future is in your hands” he declares to God (Ps. 31:15).  Our stuff is not the end of God’s story for us.
This weekend, I celebrate the full circle of God’s grace in Natalie’s life.  On Sunday, she marries a man who fulfills all of her hopes, dreams and lists.  God has turned her tears into joy.  Amen.

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