In
God’s timing, a couple of weeks ago I read my friend White County resident,
Natalie Flake’s Tears to Joy: Finding
Hope in the Presence of Bipolar Disorder and Suicide while preparing to preach
from Psalm 31.
In
her book, Natalie pulls back the veneer of a perfect life as Southern Baptist
missionaries in Helen to reveal the trauma of her husband Michael’s battled with
bi-polar disorder. She bravely tells
about Michaels devastating seasons of depression and mania.
She
admits letting their secret out of the closest seemed too damaging and shameful. Instead, she covered up for Michael by going
to his work at night to respond to emails and explaining away his absences from
his responsibilities. Chaos and secrets
controlled their lives with no place for solace.
She writes, “When Sunday rolled
around, I knew that I needed to go to church, but I wasn’t sure if I could
handle it, so I did what every “good” Christian does. I put on a good front and
I went. I smiled on the outside, while inside I was crumbling.”
Natalie now realizes there are fates
worse than losing your home or your job or feeling ashamed of what others may
say or think. Michael lost his battle to
bi-polar disease when he took his own life in 2006. Now, as a young widow, Natalie’s secret was
out anyway.
King David in Psalm 31 reveals
similar struggles with his own highs and lows. At first he demonstrates his trust in God: “In you, Lord, I have taken refuge; let me
never be put to shame; deliver me in your righteousness” (Ps 31:1). Then, the challenges of his life plunge him into
depression: “Be merciful to me, Lord,
for I am in distress; my eyes grow weak with sorrow, my soul and body with
grief” (Ps 31:9).
Natalie’s story and Psalm 31 reveal a
truism I have adopted in my pastoral ministry:
“Everyone has their stuff.” Every
perfect and wonderful person, couple or family, anyone I ever think has it
together, from missionaries to kings, is in reality broken in some way on the
inside. Brokenness is the consequence of
sin.
The
“stuff” of our lives, though, becomes a medium of God’s grace. On the cross, Jesus takes our stuff - and our
sin - upon his shoulders. The Good News
of Easter Sunday declares to us that our stuff does not define us. Instead, our stuff becomes God’s canvas to
display his marvelous grace in our lives.
The
transformation of our stuff through the power of grace is the theme of Natalie’s
book and Easter! David too, faced with the
load of his stuff, acknowledges God’s grace:
““My future is in your hands” he declares to God (Ps. 31:15). Our stuff is not the end of God’s story for
us.
This
weekend, I celebrate the full circle of God’s grace in Natalie’s life. On Sunday, she marries a man who fulfills all
of her hopes, dreams and lists. God has
turned her tears into joy. Amen.
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